bleargh.
Wednesday, March 13, 2002
11:13 a.m.
Tired, beyond tired of defending why there is nothing "wrong" with yaoi, with liking it, or with homosexuality in general. Not dealing with it any more today because it just makes me angry, and instead of being a polite and civil kitten I want to scream and throw things at people. Not acceptable behaviour. Better not to say anything at all for now.
scribble.
Monday, March 11, 2002
01:44 a.m.
I'm writing things out of order again.
In this case: rather than finishing the next chapter of TTDSDG2, which was supposed to be the next thing I did, I found myself writing part of Never Let Go, an FY fic previously only in outline form. Why was it only in outline form? Because it's the sequel to Forever the Dreamer, which I haven't worked on in ages, and in 17 parts they've only just found Mitsukake. One might say there's quite a ways to go on that yet, before a sequel (that paralells the OAV) is really in order.
And oh, is it gonna be angsty. What is it about FY that makes me write everything so depressing? I was categorising my FY fics for arcadia, and there's at least a minor angst warning in front of every single one. What the hell happened? Did I switch personalities when I got to GW or something?
And FY is actually pretty fluffy, for everything I've done to it. Oh well.
Time to get back to TTDSDG2. No angst there, of course, just because Dal's captured Shen and had him sent back to his quarters, and it's all Itami's fault. Nope, completely harmless, all of it. What's that? Nox has Sam strapped to a torture machine and has just killed Padraig rather gruesomely? Ha. Bubblegum.
Going to be in serious need of fluff soon, I think.
..and while i'm at it...
Saturday, March 9, 2002
03:50 p.m.
Is it something to worry about if you find a screw lying on the floor and you're not sure what it goes to? It doesn't seem to go to my desk or any of the bookcases....
Hmm.
boring.
Saturday, March 9, 2002
12:43 p.m.
Sorry, I'm not going to be interesting today. I took a couple days break from everything but class to waste a lot of time playing the Sims. (Oh! And I found outfits for Itami finally! There is only one albino skin in all of the world wide web, but finally I found someone who had made Lestat skins that were very pale. So Itami looks...a bit out of character, but good. No white robes, but he's got a leather jacket.)
What's that? You want to hear more about the silly Sims? *grin*
Ken (from WK) and Ashura finally got married. This may be interesting, because Ash HATES Aya. I don't know why. I actually like Aya. But there you go. She moved out because Ryuuen and Chris-Sims got the 'adopt a baby' call at last, and the house was getting too small. They adopted a little Chinese girl with pigtails and named her Elisabeth. (It's Ryan's mother's name, and I know for a fact it's what he would name a daughter if he had one. In real life. Best I can do right now is Sim life.) I still can't get another baby call for Duo and Heero though! They need another kid, Trinity is a brat. How come Trowa and Quatre get them all the time (and always turn them down, 'cause Dulcee is gonna be an only child) but Heero and Duo can't ever get one?
And we won't get into Relena. She and her Sim guy like each other a lot and would keep breeding constantly if their house wasn't about as big as it could get. (Besides, he cooks breakfast, and one plate of food feeds 6 people. Add another to that and somebody won't get breakfast. So no more kids.) Rel is the Chief of Police or something like that. You wouldn't think she'd have time to have kids, with all that crime-fighting.
I got my game to stop crashing finally by re-dl'ing some of the kid skins. There was a whole set that would crash the game, but it was already in use and working fine before it started doing that. :p How annoying. But it seems to be working now.
Watching something on the Parthenon on the Discovery channel, or at least having it on in the background.
I need to shoot an interview tomorrow with someone interesting. I know lots of interesting people, but none of them live close by. Grrr. Stupid projects. Have I mentioned yet how I DO NOT WANT TO BE A JOURNALIST? Going out and gathering stories sucks. I just want to shoot movies and stuff. Thbbbt.
Wonder if I could get away with interviewing Kumagoro?
marvin the second.
Wednesday, March 6, 2002
06:37 p.m.
I'm not in the mood to write today, I'm going to play the Sims. Thanks to Sara I have some spiffy Fushigi Yuugi skins that need new homes.
But before that:
What's interesting here is that I'm not actually Canadian. However, I'm from Washington State, which is basically its own little country along with British Columbia, so maybe that's it.
Thanks to Miyaka for finding the test. She likes tests. I'm usually too lazy to post the results once I take them.
I want mail. So if you're bored or something, you know, write me. Just babble mindlessly for a while. (Whiskey-soaked cherries, Jay?) It'll be fun.
sad?
Saturday, March 2, 2002
11:33 p.m.
So this afternoon I went to my grandfather's memorial.
I had volunteered to videotape the whole thing. I figured it would keep me distracted enough that I wouldn't start crying or something. I was right, too. I mean, it's not going on my pro reel or anything, there's a lot of the backs of people's heads, but at least it's all there.
Saw all the relatives. Mostly that's good. I love my family. My grandma looked lovely in a new dress and pearls, my sister and I went early to her house to do her makeup for her before the service. (My grandma's almost totally blind.) Despite the obvious sad factor, she's looking better than she did, say, when I saw her at Christmas. Healthier I mean. I'm glad.
One of my aunts held my hand when we walked in. I was glad, because when I'm sad I'm a very physical contact oriented person. The whole thing was really pretty. My dad spoke for the family. (He's the first son-in-law...it's pretty cute really, in my grandma's eyes, my father can do no wrong. He's always the one she asks for opinions or help from...I don't blame her. My dad is the world's greatest guy. Especially now, since both my grandpas are gone...they were the only competition, really.)
Everyone was well-behaved. I have to say this, because there tends to be stress when my family gets together. The stress is generally the second-oldest aunt (my mom is the oldest) and her family. They're very shallow and materialistic; at least she is. Her husband doesn't seem to be, but I have a hard time sometimes reconciling some of the sides to his nature. Nice guy though. He's 36, she's 52, they got married about a year ago. I don't have time or energy to go into all the issues in this branch of the family; but he's her 3rd husband, the first was a drug addict and the second an abusive asshole; there are kids, the kids are fucked-up...standard America these days I guess. But anyway, they're also really fundamentalist Christians, the obnoxious kind that are always telling you how God has done this and that in their lives.
An example...once she told us that God was watching out for them, because her husband, who is a prison guard, was not at work the day there was a breakout attempt and one of the guards was killed. And I wonder, 'so you think God didn't care about the one who did die?' But I usually just smile and nod at stuff like that. I get on with them all right.
So this aunt thinks that my grandma is on death's door or something, and she has a list of stuff she wants when they're gone. (My grandma says she is going to live another 20 years just to spite her. *grin*) I think it's sad she doesn't know her own mom that well...my grandma is a tough cookie and she has no intention of laying down and dying just now.
But that's all off the subject. Everybody was pretty well-behaved today, and I got to talk to my cousins and share some memories of my grandparents, which was nice. Really, the more I hear about my grandpa, and the more I got to talk to him when I got older, I realised we're really a lot alike.
He was a scientist...I'm not that. But he had this brilliant sort of awe at the universe, and how the universe worked, and now I know where I get it from--the part that makes you look up at the stars and feel a rush, like wow this is part of something really big and grand and unfathomable. And littler things, like being the sort of person who likes to fiddle with things, especially mechanical things, and see if you can't make them work. I just play with video equipment. He helped put a man on the moon. (D'you have any idea how proud I am of that?)
There were a lot of pictures...only one grandkid showed up in them, and that was me; I was about a week old. I was cute as a baby. *grin* There were quite a few from the 40s and 50s, when both my grandparents looked young and beautiful and happy. My cousin Tyler and I both liked one in particular that had him sitting on top of an old car (I guess it wasn't old at the time) with this big ol' grin looking jaunty.
It's funny, really...I'm not that sad. I mean, I am, because I am human and selfish and not ready to give him up yet. But on the other hand I'm not, because--well, they say memorials are supposed to be to celebrate a life as much, or more, as to mourn a death. And what a life to celebrate! It's hard to be sad, looking at all those pictures where everyone is smiling, and hearing some of his old work buddies tell jokes and stories from the old days, because really, he'd done about everything he ever needed to do. Both my grandparents are wonderful, generous people, and the world really is a better place for their having been in it. They've always done whatever they could to make it that way. And there's really nothing you can ask for or expect out of life, besides that.
"There is a trick, or rather a knack, to flying. The knack lies in learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
--Douglas Adams
marvin the pita entry
Tuesday, February 26, 2002
08:50 p.m.
It's Tuesday.
Yup, that about sums it up.
Got some work done today on arcadia. The work computer still doesn't show all the buttons, even though I made them tiny. Everybody should just be required to have at least a 1024x768 resolution, and that should be it. Period. (My laptop's is higher than that, but it works the same.) That would solve so many problems.
I mean, have you ever noticed--about people who do lots of computer things--we never say "Oh, I love computers." On the contrary, most of us LOATHE computers. We just can't live without them, so we've worked up a certain amount of proficiency. I mean, who ever says "I just love coding! It's so relaxing!" (And if somebody said that, you'd want to dump juice over their head or something.) On a good day, coding is mind-numbing and nonoffensive, and you end up with a finished product that justifies the time spent. On a bad day, it makes you want to tear your hair out and kick things. We like having webpages. They're cool. They're reasonably easy and a good waste of time. Oh yeah, and that whole exhibitionist thing, that makes us think, "wouldn't it be neat to have a webpage to tell the whole world that I hate purple vegetables?" or something equally inane.
Anyway. Having said that, D's invited me to be her partner in crime in webmistressing Newton's Law, a spiffy Gravitation site. Which is good, because it means I don't have to go to the hassle of making my own, when I already have something like 6 webpages (not all functional). Less work for both of us that way, really. And it'll be, you know, fun.
Makes ya wonder if I've switched personalities in the last paragraph, doesn't it?
...I'm hungry. And bored. And at work. But I'm going to get thin this semester simply by virtue of being too lazy to cook. :p I did start doing yoga again recently though. I got this video, and it has four different variations, depending on how flexible you are. I thought I might have to start low and work up, because it's been a while since I did karate or ballet or anything...turns out though that their 'modified' versions are REALLY modified. So I just started off doing the full poses after all. I may have gotten a little out of shape, but I can still sit cross-legged and put my face on the floor.
Doesn't sound too impressive when put that way, does it? *wink*
Finally got rid of the headache that's been haunting me for days. Know how? Alka-seltzer hangover medicine. I haven't drunk anything alcoholic in...well, quite a while. a week or so at least. But it's the same kind of principle. Hey, whatever works. Maybe tonight then I can actually have that beer I keep talking about, ne?
beer.
Monday, February 25, 2002
09:06 p.m.
(Ain't I just great at titles? Riiiight.)
I'm so tired. Are you getting sick of hearing that yet? Well, and today I'm all tense and have a stress headache. I directed the newscast today and it was AWFUL, talk about hanging on by the skin of your teeth! I was not asked to commit sepuku after the broadcast, but I did offer. I watched it later. Even worse than I remembered.
There goes my Broadcasting grade.
Hence the title. If I ever ditch this headache, I could really use a beer.
Almost done with all available Saiyuki episodes. Need to find the rest of the series. Ten is not enough. Sanzo is soooo cool.
This weekend is my grandfather's memorial service. My mom is coming to pick me up on Friday, and will bring me back Sunday...there goes the weekend. I know that sounds awful. I do want to go. I'm...not good at funeral type things, I never have been. I'm never entirely sure how I'm supposed to act at them, let alone feel.
Short today. Too tired and nothing to say.
eggo power!
Sunday, February 24, 2002
09:07 p.m.
(Okay, so I just couldn't think of anything creative to call this...if you don't already know this, I am addicted to Eggos, and "eggo power" serves as a nice 'I am too bored for words' battle cry.)
Once again, I'm at work being paid a decent amount of money to surf my MLs and read fanfic. I'm filling in for Candace so she can spend time with her fiance. Ain't I a sweetheart?
My Saiyuki fansubs arrived last night. Really it was the best part of the whole day, which was otherwise basically pretty miserable. (I don't even know why it was miserable. I had an interesting class, a birthday party, and I generally like work. Oh yeah--I was FUCKING TIRED, that's why. Still can't sleep. Anyway.)
So back to Saiyuki. It rocks. There are sexy men with bad attitudes ('cept Hakkai, who's sexy and a sweetie too), and a little dragonet thing that transforms into a Jeep, and they fight demons and stuff. Well, bad demons. Three of the main characters are good demons. And the demon prince? Rocks. Yummy, too.
I think I'm gonna like this series.
I went looking for fics earlier. I got stuck at Pam Nunn's place reading her "Vindication"--it's the text version of the dj in Yaoicon's "Shounen Hump," if that rings any bells. Painful. Really awesome. You should read it. (I don't have URL handy, but c'mon, it's PL Nunn, you KNOW where it is already.) I really want to see if she's done some artwork for it, besides the dj, but that will have to wait til I get home. As much as I like flaunting the "no personal use" rule on the work computers, I think perhaps that there is a limit to what I can get away with, and that explicit pictures of men having sex just might be past those limits.
...ya think?
Here's a cool thing that happened earlier. I got an email from someone new, one of those "I was surfing around your webpage reading fics and liked them" sort of things. In itself, awesome but not that unusual, 'cause I meet lots of cool people that way. But THIS one lives here in town! And goes to WSU!
In case you don't quite catch the significance of this....
THERE IS ANOTHER GW YAOI FAN IN PULLMAN.
It's just too cool for words.
I'm off to eat my sandwich. And somebody left cupcakes in the staff room.
ash the gamer.
Saturday, February 23, 2002
08:52 p.m.
Okay, I found this thing on Stephanie's page, and as it's been way too long since I played any D&D, I figured I'd try it out. Withdrawals, ya know?
Incidentally, it's right on. My favourite characters are always half-elf bards. *grin* Anyway, here goes.
Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for
governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.
Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much
shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious
drive of humans and the patience of elves.
Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.
Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and
healthy.
In other news...I'm getting exhausted, haven't been able to fall asleep (or stay that way!) properly in about a week. I can feel my brain fogging, but for some reason it refuses to shut down enough to let me get some rest.
And it's Saturday, I'm at work, and I had to go to class at 9 this morning. Symposium thingy for my Asian studies minor. They fed me good Chinese food, but I'm about to drop here.
Meant to work on fics tonight, but that foggy brain problem...and the cheapass coffee we have here tastes a bit like stale cigarettes. It's gross. But caffeine is caffeine....
love hurts?
Friday, February 22, 2002
04:37 p.m.
So I went shopping yesterday (*looks around carefully to make sure mother isn't looking--oh wait, I haven't given her this URL! Whew!*), and during the hour-and-a-half drive home from Spokane to Pullman, got a whole new ESILY fic written.
ESILY, if you don't know, is my Angst-Filled GW arc. It's painful. It's supposed to be painful, apparently. (I don't write it, really, I just channel it.) The latest installment has Quatre slowly going nuts with guilt over the whole Zero incident...no, it's not original exactly, but it fits into a bigger piece, right?
Anyway, I feel the need to defend Trowa here. Because yes, he's made a royal mess of Heero and Quatre. But he didn't mean to. He thought he was doing something nice. He has no frame of reference for what "normal" relationships are like. Why would he? He's never had one, he doesn't /know/ anyone who's ever had one. And since this fic uses the "Trowa was molested as a child" convention, his defense mechanism has been to completely disassociate sex from love. He has no emotional investment in it--by contrast, or maybe not, his total emotional commitment to Quatre has little or nothing to do with sex.
We getting somewhere yet?
I think Trowa is a passive person. I don't mean
submissive--just that he lets things happen and then handles them as they come up. A good part of that I think is actually arrogance; that he figures he /can/ deal with whatever problems arise. But I don't think, for example, that he had any great plan in mind when he infiltrated Oz; I think it was just the next step, something he decided he could do, and he'd see where it took him. He doesn't really sit and plan things out the way, say, Quatre does.
Quatre still associates love and sex. Heero did, but not anymore. He's gone through a progression: with Trowa it was to show love, even if the love wasn't reciprocated. With Quatre is was just to make him feel human again. Now he's approaching rock bottom; he doens't think it's worth anything, and neither is /he/, since he's got no war to fight and is basically prostituting himself to Relena. (Who he says he hates...but I don't think he really does. I think he clings to her a bit, subconciously at least, because she's the only one in the whole damn story who seems to really care about /him/, for his own sake.) Well--Trowa cares about him, but is dead at the moment, and anyway is too screwed up to really do what's best for him, and Quatre is too wrapped up in his own problems.
So there's my little "Mea Culpa" character study. If you haven't read it, I've probably totally scared you off it by now. Oh well. Ranting is all.
parental supervision
Thursday, February 21, 2002
12:08 a.m.
This is an old, old rant topic. And I know that this has been said before. But WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR PARENTS WHO DON'T SUPERVISE THEIR KIDS.
End of story.
I am not a parent. Chances are I will never be a parent, because I recognise that I am too self-centred and flighty to devote my entire life to raising a child (which is basically what you have to do. Become a parent, you become a parent, period).
So, as I recognise this in myself and choose not to have kids, how is it my responsibility to supervise other people's?
I run a website. It says quite plainly that "I am a grown-up, and sometimes I write about grown-up things." It's not for shock value, it's not for titillation, it's just there. It is as easy to access my website as to go to the library and check out "Lolita" or "Clan of the Cave Bear" or something, which isn't my reponsibility either.
Am I rambling too much?
This is just a very sore point with me...it's up to parents to raise their own kids. Besides parents, there is a responsibility on the part of people whose careers involve kids--teachers, day cares, whatever.
But radio announcers who run yaoi websites? I don't think I even figure into this equation, ya know?
gold.
Tuesday, February 19, 2002
09:03 p.m.
I've come to the conclusion that I hate sports commentators. Specifically, I hate Olympic sports commentators. They're irritating and pretentious as hell. Case in point: I watched women's figure skating this evening. Lots of good skaters doing some really great work (not that the men didn't do well too, but at some point every single one of them fell down. The girls didn't fall.)
But those people with microphones are determined to be harsher than the judges. They don't like anything. Someone skates a perfect programme, and while I am sitting there trying to just enjoy what is a really beautiful art form, I'm subjected to "Well, it's not that graceful," or "I know it's technically right, but it's not really Special...."
I would like to get to make that decision for myself, actually.
I understand that they're paid to talk into those microphones NBC gives them, so they have to come up with something to say. Even if it's stupid, or cheesy, like how this lady thinks Michelle Kwan has gone out and found herself (and this BEFORE she even sets blade to ice). I mean, I adore Michelle Kwan too. I want her to win a gold medal. I don't feel the need to hear some announcer speculating that "I think this is what's really important to her, that she's come into her own artistically, blah blah blah, no matter how the programme turns out." Doesn't anybody else think it's a bit rude to be voicing speculations about other people's thoughts and feelings on national TV? Anybody? Bueller?
Then there was one in the ice dancing final last night--the winners, even, from France; they did a programme called "Liberty" that used part of a recording of Dr Martin Luther King Jr. I thought it was beautiful, and apparently the judges agreed, since they did win a gold medal. But the commentator, before they even started, called it "inappropriate" to use the speech, and complained that they had taken "a great moment in American history and trivialised it."
All I can say is that this guy has no idea what it means to be an artist. He's apparently also ignorant of the impact of Dr. King on the rest of the world. At the former Checkpoint Charlie in Berlin, there is a museum dedicated primarily to all the ways people used to try to escape from East to West Germany. There is a room on the upper floor dedicated to other struggles for freedom in the world. What takes up the most wall space? The Polish Solidarity movement and the Civil Rights movement here in the US in the '60s. If you are an artist, as the ice dancers are, you want to take things that are important to you, things that have affected you, and commemorate them somehow. You take what tools you have, and pay tribute to great things in the only way you can. One of the French skaters said he hoped the audience could see "what was in their hearts" when they skated that programme. I did. The judges apparently did. I feel sorry for that one sports commentator that had to go and be an ass.
I'm sure it's too much to hope that the commentators will ever go away and let me watch in peace. Maybe that's a part of why I only watch sports during the Olympics and the World Series.
a day down the drain
Monday, February 18, 2002
07:46 p.m.
I had so many grand plans for what I was going to do today. Most of them involved spending money; I need to go hit Pier One and get some new perfume bottles to fill some orders, and replace the dishes I'm going to have to give back to my sister, and the health food co-op had Member Appreciation Day today so I /could/ have gone and gotten lots of yummy food for less expensive than normal.
So what did I do?
Slept til noon, then played the Sims for hours.
I'm still looking for some new male swimsuits for Hot Date; all the guys are wearing the same ones. But nobody makes them, they make plenty of female pjs/swimsuits, but the guys are apparently not as interesting. Of course I could try to make my own, but I'm /so/ not artistically inclined. It would just be bad. So I'll wait and see if anybody eventually makes some, and in the meantime all my Gundam boys will wear the same swimsuit.
Speaking of Sims, Catherine and Dorothy have moved in together, now that Dorothy's done helping Zechs and Noin raise their kid. I want Heero and Duo to have another one, but they never get the call! (Once everybody has all the kids they're going to have, I want to make a new neighborhood with them all grown up. Yeah, so I spend too much time on this game.
Back to the grind tomorrow. At least it'll be a short week. Normally I would have been on news crew today, but I don't have to 'cause it's a holiday--WOO! :) And I finished my production book for the PSA from hell. Go me.
So since I started this thing and posted to a few MLs that I had it, other people have either been posting their own, or creating their own. (I guess more people didn't have them before than I thought.) So now we'll all have to work harder to get the rambling OT rants that usually fill up the MLs. The Powers that Be should be pleased with that.
Watching the Olympic ski jumpers on the tv right now and thinking about Trowa. He'd be good at that, wouldn't he? Trowa's always good at things that involve jumping in the air and flipping. ;)
You know what the best part is about it not being a holiday again tomorrow? The mail! I love getting mail, and I am STILL waiting for things...especially my Saiyuki fansubs, which have not arrived yet though it's been weeks. Well, I will just not order from that distro again. Best places for fansubs are Sachi Gumi and Soyokaze. Soyokaze is especially cool if you have PayPal, because you can just send the order with the money, and then you get your tapes FAST...it took like 2 days for me to get Gravitation. Now I am just waiting for the rest of the series. Going through withdrawals here! (Though I had another dream about Ryuichi last night. No wonder real boys don't do the trick anymore.) I will give Saiyuki a little more time because it's coming from Calgary. Not time to get panicky yet!
Now, lest I bore you to death, I will go play the Sims some more. Wufei and Sally are about to go on a date. And I have plenty of "real" thoughts, but not the energy to type them. I'm so lazy.
self suffiency rocks
Sunday, February 17, 2002
04:17 p.m.
I fixed my bathtub drain today. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I'm pretty damn proud of myself. It was clogged up with something and wouldn't drain (and drain-o wasn't helping!), so I dug out the tools and took it apart and fixed it.
Go me.
I spent most of the afternoon editing a very stupid psa for my production class about pyromania. (That's right...when you can't think of anything productive or creative to do, light things on fire.) We got all the actual footage done, but the CG and audio equipment is all in the studio downstairs. We don't have a key. So I had to call somebody who I think has a key, and arrange to meet her in a bit to (hopefully, if her key works) let us in. I really want this stupid project to be done with.
One of the Highlander movies is on the sci-fi channel now. I love the first one, but I really think they should have left it alone after that. I mean, it wasn't really left open for a sequel, you know?
Tomorrow's a holiday. No classes, whee! I would have found something interesting to do with the weekend, but no, I have a video to edit. In the meantime, I know this is far from interesting (even to me), but I only have a few minutes before I have to go back and meet Candace.
Something else later? Maybe, maybe not. I started moving into a new website last night. Arcadia. Not much there yet, but it's pretty.
Saturday, February 16, 2002
08:14 p.m.
okay, so I need a weblog like I need my shoelaces fused together. But it sounded like fun. So here it is. I don't promise it will ever be interesting, but /I'll/ be entertained, which is generally all I ask anyway.
I will try to make it pretty sometime after I get home (this is what I'm getting paid to do at work, shouldn't I feel bad?), and maybe write something down that might be interesting to someone other than myself. I doubt it, but you never know. Humans are such voyeurs, that's why these things exist.
Exhibitionists, apparently, too.
